When you hear the C word. What do you think about?
For me, I think death. Even though actually everyone I know of whom had suffered from cancer has survived. Maybe it is because we are always told to look for lumps and bumps in our body incase we have any signs of having it. We are booked into routine smears when we reach 25 (not early enough), we are given cervical cancer jabs to prevent it and when you get to certain age you have your boobs slammed into machine to check for anything abnormal.
Thats what my Mum did about six weeks ago. Got her boobs squashed in a machine in a portakabin in Sainsburys’ car park. She’d had two done prior and all were fine. Yet this one came back different.
I knew there was something up. My Mum had been away with Milo and when she came back she was not the same. “What’s wrong” I asked her. “Nothing” she said. Then I remembered she had been to her routine mammogram. “You had your results for your mammogram?”. “Yeah” she said. “And?” I asked. “They were fine” she said, pouring her tea. I didn’t believe her “Let me see the letter” I asked. “I’ve thrown it away” she said. If you know my mum, she keeps all paperwork, boxes of irrelevant things. There was no way she’d thrown this away. “Don’t lie, tell me the truth” I said.” Ok, my results have come back. I need to go for another scan, ultra sound and a biopsy if necessary on the day” she said.
A week later, she went to the hospital, they told her there looks like there is a lump they said. Took a biopsy and suggested to come back in a week for the results. Mum, her best friend and I all attended the results appointment. “It is a stage 2 growth, but we have caught it early” the consultant said. So I’m sitting there acting positive (trying) but in my head I have a million things rushing around my head.
What will I do if Mum dies? Is this curable? How will Milo cope? Why my Mum? Will Mum be here to see me getting married? Mum is too young to die.
Seeing your Mum cry is never nice. They are the strong ones. Your role models. But times like this it was inevitable that I would be the comforter in the situation. I wish I could just take it away from here. But unfortunately that is not reality. Mum has got to have an op to remove the lump radiotherapy and possibly chemo. The doctors are going to take some more biopsies of her nymph glands very soon to see if it has spread there.
I know the survival rate for breast cancer is very high but it has still come as a shock for our family. Even though the doctors have said it is positive. It is hard to feel positive at this time. I am hoping it has not spread anywhere else. Only time will tell.