Telling my loved ones

Thank you so much for everyones messages, comments, reposts and everything. Honestly, words can no explain how grateful I am. Today I will begin to explain what happened after my friend exploded and told my Mum what had been happening to her.

I had always wanted to tell my parents about it all but I just couldn’t. I wasn’t sure if my parents would believe me? Would I be seen to be a liar? Would it ruin mine and my best friends life?

This particular night I had stayed at Miles’s after a hen do meal for my sister in law. We often had big family meals at a Chinese restaurant that my parents and I loved. I left early from the meal however, everyone else stayed on drinking and so on. My friends step dad and Mum had an argument or what not and her Mum ended up in hospital so my best friend stayed with my Mum at ours.

Only to confess to my Mum what had been happening to her. Mum was immedaitely sick from the news and of course comforted my best friend. My mum called in the morning to tell me what had been happening to her. It is funny because I remember exactly where I was. As if it was one of the most important times in my life. Which maybe it is. But not a very nice one. I was about to board a 202 with Miles on our way to Greenwich park to feed the squirrels.

Of course, I acted surprised. You know the common reactions you might have “Oh no, really” and so on. However, all I was thinking in my head is has she told them about me. Selfish maybe but the second thought that came to me was  if she had told them would it ruin what M and I had. He didn’t know. Did I want him to know? Could it ruin us? I had only been with him a year at the time and I was young in love.

All of these thoughts were whizzing around in my head in what felt like an hour long phone call which could not have been any longer than ten minutes. Mum told me they had gone around to a relatives house of which the step dad not know of. Just incase he tried to collect her from ours.

There was no way on hells earth would mum have let him collect her. Not anymore. Mum had to think quickly without the input of my best friends mum because she was still in hospital. “I’ve called the police Lauren”, she said. “Has anything happened to you Lauren?”, Mum asked. Instantly my back went up. “Of course not”, I said. “Are you sure?” she said. In my head I was thinking should I? Should I tell her that her daughter had been through it too? “No Mum”, I said.

I got off of the phone. In shock and confusion. Miles asked what was wrong. I told him. And that was when I told him. I couldn’t bear it any longer. I couldn’t lie to him after just hearing that news. As soon as I told him I  brushed it off and said lets go to feed the squirrels. He questioned if I wanted to speak to my parents. He told me it would strengthen my best friends case if it went to court. I harshly said no. We got on to the bus. We was both silent. A stop after, I said ok lets go so we got off.

My dad then called me “He has been arrested, he has been taken in to Sutton Police station”. I didn’t say much apart from acting surprised yet again. Miles and I started to make our way up to there. I don’t really know why I went there because I probably could have gone to our closest station. But I thought we had to because he was there. I still couldn’t tell my parents. Miles offered. I instantly took him up on the offer and felt bad that so soon after getting into a relationship with me was he having to deal with this shit. Would he leave me?

Miles called my parents, “It has happened to Lauren too” he said. The howl that my Mum let out and my dad saying “No fucking way, noooo” I will never forget . Devastated they sounded. It made me feel better that the step dad had already been arrested. I worried about what my Dad might have done otherwise. That gave me some comfort, that I would still have my dad here, on the outside.

Miles arranged for us to meet up at Sutton Police Station before I went in to speak to the police. I can remember it all so clearly which is so mad because sometimes I can not remember what happened last week. We waited in a park near the station. My dads jag pulled up and my heart was pounding. I was scared for some reason.  My parents, oldest brother and his wife got out. All crying. I had never ever seen my eldest brother or Dad cry before. Both of their eyes were so red. That then made me start to cry after trying to hold back the tears from Miles.

They took me to the station and the statements began…My Dad didn’t sit in with me. Not out of choice, more because actually how does a daughter explain to a police officer that a man old enough to be her father essentially took her virginity. I mean I still battle with that one. If it is rape and was your first time is that your virginity gone? I guess so right? Your total innocence taken away just like that.

I had to go in depth about everything during providing my statement. Actually it was such hard to work out when, what, how, who. It was so tricky initially because I think I had pushed so much into my head because I wanted to forget it. I had to keep it from 99% of people in my life. I didn’t have time to think about it. I just got on with things. I had to. I found that during the initial statement I really was confused about timings etc which you don’t think matters but with charges it really does. I had forgotten so much stuff and even had to go to provide a new statement of things I had forgotten happened.

When I got home I remember feeling bad that I couldn’t confide in my parents before that stage. I went home and Dad innocently said to me “You could have told me, we are close”. Which to be honest we were close but that was just one thing I could not tell him any earlier. All types of emotions arose including anger for him, the man and sorrow for my parents.

Thankfully, the man was not given bail due to the nature of the offence. We then awaited the beginnings of the court case.

LTB  xxx

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    • Hayley
    • November 15, 2018

    Wow Lauren! Wow.. what an absolutely heartbreaking thing to go through.. so pleased you have your happy ever after with miles and your gorgeous boys what a strong woman xxx

    • Natalie
    • November 15, 2018

    You are amazing! Honestly you are one of the strongest people I know. LY! ❤️

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