Leave my children alone

When Milo was born, he had fair skin, he had blonde(ish) hair that often looked ginger because of all the oil we slapped on due to cradle cap! He had blue eyes and he was quite bulky. It started pretty much immediately. The comments and the questions. “Is he going to get darker?”. “Will he stay blonde?”. You know all of the questions that I quite frankly could not answer because I do not have a crystal ball!

I was twenty when I gave birth and when I got these types of comments I often laughed and shrugged them off which I think was due to me not feeling confident as a young Mother and also because yes he was fair. In hind sight with a lot more experience, actually what I should of replied with was exactly what I said above “I do not have a crystal ball and does it matter either way?”. People would constantly ask why is his hair so blonde? How am I meant to answer that question?

Maybe that is me being touchy and slightly more sensitive than I need to be. I guess it is natural to feel curious about what your babies will look like a little later down the line. But when you are slandered and questioned all of the time, this is what happens. And may I add, why do I need to discuss this with strangers and so forth.

As Milo got older, he got darker and his eyes went from blue to green to brown. He developed beautiful curls and we was rarely asked about his heritage.

When people hear the ‘mixed race’ title I think people automatically build up a picture in their heads of what that it is. Technically the boys father is mixed race even though some may think it is not necessary to state this as he is more Caribbean than Caucasian. I personally think he should identify himself as mixed race as it almost disregards his heritage and his ancestry. Exactly the same way as I should identify that part of my ancestors are from Jamaica.

When Oscar was born. The questions started in the same way. Questioning his hair, eye and skin colour. The common comments I’d get is ‘ mixed race babies get darker with time’.  Our health visitor kept asking us if Miles was Oscar’s father. She kept emphasizing that Oscar looked very ‘white’ and that he had almost no ‘black’ features. She visited home again and looked for conformation in her colleague that Oscar was pale, unlike his father and that he did not resemble Caribbean people. She even said to Miles are your sure Oscar is yours. Which I think is very insensitive.

When we have attended various appointments together with Oscar and the health professional never wants to speak to Miles and almost stutters when asking if Miles is his father. Of course there is a second variable in this and that is that I am the Mother and he is the Father. Maybe this is why?

On social media we have had a mass of messages and comments asking if Milo and Oscar are ‘full’ brothers. People often start their messages with your children are beautiful (buttering me up), do your children have the same Dad?. Ok, I have an open profile so I should expect questions such as this but just to let you know that these types of questions often get declined and deleted immediately. I really do pride myself with speaking to you all and replying to all of the messages I receive. However, if the nature of the message is as above, I will not reply because I am sick of it.

Additionally, I get messages telling me that I have been unfaithful and that I need to admit that Oscar is not Miles’s baby because he has blonde hair and blue eyes. In my head it makes sense that Oscar can have light eyes. I have green eyes, my mum has grey/blue eyes, my father has blue eyes and Oscar’s other Nanny has green eyes who is also mixed race.

I personally hope that Milo and Oscar do not need to face the silliness about whether they are or are not mixed race. They need to be educated about all of their heritage and need to recognize and identify themselves as both of their direct backgrounds. I want them to both feel that they do not need to justify why they look the way they do. People need to accept everyone for the way they are.

Is it that hard?

XXXX

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Comments

    • Kerri
    • November 27, 2017
    Reply

    Good on you for writing this! Your kids are beautiful. They look like models. Who cares if they are lighter skinned, darker skinned, blonde haired, dark haired. They are children who are loved by their parents and that is all that matters x

    • Georgia
    • December 4, 2017
    Reply

    It really does baffle me how many people ask constant innopropriate questions to Interracial couples or couples with mixed raced children. They really worry too much about others lives! I’m sorry you and Miles have had to endure others stupidity! Il look forward to your next blog 🙂 sending love and light x

  1. Reply

    It really does baffle me how many people take SUCH an interest about Interracial couples, or couples with mixed raced children. I’m so sorry you have Miles have had to endure other people’s stupidity! Il look forward to your next blog 🙂 sending love and light x

    • Edel
    • December 12, 2017
    Reply

    Omg someone who understands. I am white Irish and my partner is jamaican/Cameroonian. Our 4 year old is quite like your eldest son and we recently welcomed a daughter who has fair hair blue eyes and very light skinned. People when they seen her said ‘oh she’s white’ and make jokes about me ‘playing away’. It’s so rude and I honestly hope people don’t say those things to them when they are in school.
    Your children are beautiful, recent follower love your blog

  2. Reply

    Love this post! My daughter’s father is mixed race, she is fair with blonde hair and my eyes but Caribbean features. He isn’t involved but the amount of people that have asked if I’ve got the right dad is ridiculous! Why do people think genetics are as simple as making a cup of coffee or something? Like if you mix an Americano and milk together you get a latte colour so that has to be the case with children. You never know which genes they’re going to inherit and there’s just as much chance of them getting the Caucasian genes as the black/Asian ones etc. It’s definitely interesting how both your children look so much like you and your partner in different ways but for people to bombard you with questions is insulting. They are beautiful boys and you can 100% tell they’re brothers. People need to bore off with their uneducated questions and opinions! Well done for addressing this as not many people do xx

    • John
    • December 30, 2017
    Reply

    I know exactly that feeling!

    When my daughter was born, she was light skinned with eyes such as chinese. Though I’m black and so is the mother, the doctor asked where was the father and when I said it was me, he was shocked. The nurses thought I was adopting the child but when I saw me getting vex, they tried to avoid the subject and talked about something else.

    Thing is, people have a fixed opinion of how people should look like and as a result, it will offend most of the time without realizing their behavior. What they fail to notice is the background and roots. It affects the DNA and thus can go very far. Aiyana (my daughter) have two grand mother that are fairly light skinned and on my side of the family, many members are light skinned with either light brown, green, blue or grey eyes. Now that she is 4, going on 5, she kept her fairly light skin (a tad darker than before) but she is light brown eyes like my grand mother. And my grand dad (who already passed away) was dark black but with blue et gray eyes.

    • Kate
    • December 30, 2017
    Reply

    Couldnt agree more! My partner is Jamacian heritage and dark eyes, skin & hair – our daughter is pale, green eyes and light brown hair. We were asked a lot when she was born if she had jaundice because her skin tone wasn’t quite ‘right’. Somebody said to her Grandfather not to worry as she would get lighter as she got older! (Not realising she was mixed race).
    I often wonder if childen who’se parents are the same ethnicity get asked questions about their appearance!

    • Heather Wallace
    • January 2, 2018
    Reply

    Your children are gorgeous! I cant believe people this day in age are so inappropriate, especially medical professionals! You would think with a medical background they would understand how genetics work! Of course your child can have fair skin, light eyes & hair. You as the mother do so it makes complete sense. God who created us all & ultimately our genes did an amazing job! I also have 3 mixed children. My husband is Jamaican & I am a mix of Puerto Rican, German, Irish & Polish. My children all have similar coloring & darker hair & eyes. My oldest son has a patch of red auburn hair that stands out in front of his head every summer & his hair is more coarse, freckles on his nose & cheeks which he gets from me. My daughter has red & gold tones in her hair that is very thick & the baby has similar hair color & texture to his big sister. They all have different shape noses which I think is awesome! Its just the beauty of God’s creations & genetics! Dont ever be bothered by ignorant people! Just know that you & your husband are blessed with beautiful children & continue to raise them in love & kindness! God bless you all.❤️🙏🏽
    Heather Wallace

    • Heather Wallace
    • January 2, 2018
    Reply

    Your family is beautiful! God bless you all! Ignore ignorance! People need to read a science book or should have paid attention during the genetics lesson! Of course you can have a child that is more fair like yourself! My 3 children are also mixed. My husband is Jamaican & I am Puerto Rican, German, Irish & Polish. Our children all have darker hair & eyes. Our oldest son has freckles like his mama. They all have different shaped noses, but similar complexions. Our oldest has more coarse super curly hair with a patch of auburn red that stands out in front of his head every summer. Our daughter has gold tones in her very thick, wavy hair & our baby boy has similar hair to his sister. God’s creation & how He made genetics work is so amazing! Keep doing what your doing & dont give the ignorant people a 2nd thought, just pray for them. God bless❤️🙏🏽

    • Q
    • June 9, 2018
    Reply

    I have two sons of my own who I think are the perfect mixture of me and my husband. I’m black but I do have a lighter complexion than most black people and my husband is white. Both of my sons have a tannish/ sun kissed skin color, sea green eyes and golden brown locks. Genetics is an interesting thing.

    • Ginger
    • August 23, 2018
    Reply

    Well said

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